Butter Knife Juggling 101

A Guide to Taming the Unpredictable Fury of the Butter Knife

Warning: Do not attempt this activity while intoxicated or with your eyes closed. We are not responsible for any injuries or destroyed kitchen tables.

Choosing the Right Knives

For optimal juggling, select knives with a sturdy handle and a blade that's at least 3 inches long. Anything shorter will just be a hazard waiting to happen.

Also, make sure your knives are butter-knife-specific. Don't even think about using those fancy-p minimalist knives with the rounded tips. Those are just begging to slip out of your hands and into your neighbor's eyes.

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The Grip of Desperation

Hold the knives with a firm, yet delicate grip. You want to feel the blade's presence, but not be overwhelmed by its sharpness.

As you gain experience, you'll develop a more relaxed grip, but for now, just pretend you're trying to hold onto a greased-up eel.

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