Chapter 2: False Friendship and Social Programming

Subchapter 2.1: The Art of Befriending the Wrong Bugs

Bugs can be like that one weird friend you had in high school who always cancelled plans at the last minute. They're like the one that ate your homework, or the one that always 'accidentally' deleted your important files. But, you know, they're just trying to tell you something. Like, maybe, they're just trying to tell you that they're not really friends with you, or that they're just using you for free food.

But, as a bug catcher, it's your job to befriend them, even if it means putting up with a lot of drama. So, here's how you do it:

First, you gotta sympathize with their plight, and pretend like you care about their problems. Like, "Oh, I know, bugs, I've been there too, I've had prophets and stuff, I totally get it."

Second, you gotta be a good bug buddy, and just hang out with them. Like, prophets and stuff, but also like, go for walks, and have picnics, and play games with them. It's like, you know, they're not really friends, but they're still your friends, right?

Third, you gotta let them go, when it's time to go. Like, "Sorry, bugs, it's time for me to go home, I have to go catch some more bugs." And then, you just howl at the moon, and wonder where it all went wrong.

Chapter 2.1: The Art of Faking Sympathy

Here's a step-by-step guide:

  1. Listen actively, but not too actively, like you're not really listening.
  2. Parrot back what they said, like a parrot, but without the annoying squawking sound.
  3. Make eye contact, but not too intense, like you're not really looking.
  4. Touch their antennae, but not too hard, like you're not really touching.

Chapter 2.2: How to Be a Good Bug Buddy

Here are some tips:

Chapter 2.3: How to Let Go of Your Friends

Here's a step-by-step guide:

  1. Make up a good excuse, like, "I have to go catch some more bugs."
  2. Don't look back, like, you're not really looking back.
  3. Walk away slowly, like, you're not really walking away.
  4. Don't make a big scene, like, that's just rude.

Chapter 2.4: How to Howl at the Moon

Here's how:

Just stand on the roof of your bug catching shack, and howl at the moon. Like, it's a real thing, bugs, I swear.