THE CONSEQUENCES OF INDIFFERENCE:

According to the Department of Red Tape Regulations (D-RT-1 ยง3.14), if you refuse to sign again, you will be subject to the following penalties:

  • Your name will be placed on the Naughty List, where it will be repeatedly crossed out with a bright pink marker.
  • You will be forced to watch an endless loop of PowerPoint presentations about the importance of signatures.
  • Your computer will be replaced with a vintage typewriter, which will be constantly jammed with ink cartridges.
  • You will be required to attend Signing Workshops every Thursday afternoon.

THE FINE PRINT:

Note: These penalties are subject to change at any time without notice. Also, do not attempt to sign with a crayon, as this will be considered highly unbecoming.