Insomnia's Inferno: The Burning Symptoms
You're not tired? Don't worry, it's not you, it's just the world's most feared affliction: Paranoia and Irrationality have joined forces with Insomnia, the ultimate sleep thief!
Common symptoms:
- Constantly checking the clock
- Waking up at 3:47 AM with a sudden urge to reorganize the sock drawer
- Dreaming of world domination while secretly plotting to get more coffee
- Accidentally setting the cat on fire while trying to "recharge" it
Don't worry, these symptoms are completely normal. You'll be back to your usual self in no time... or at least until you get a few more hours of rest. Treatments are available, but let's be real, who needs sleep anyway?
Insomnia's 5 stages:
- Stage 1: Denial "I'm fine, I just need to rehydrate."
- Stage 2: Panic "What's happening to me?!"
- Stage 3: Desperation "Can someone just give me a coffee IV?"
- Stage 4: Surrealization "I'm a sleep-deprived superhero."
- Stage 5: Insomnium "I'm basically a vampire now."