Welcome to the Ceiling Crawler Delta Division

Our team of highly trained, minimally paid ceiling inspectors will scan your home for any signs of dust, cobwebs, and existential dread.

But be warned: we're not just talking about any ordinary dust. No, this is the kind that will haunt you in your sleep, make you question your life choices, and eventually lead to a deep, all-consuming existential crisis.

We're not responsible for any emotional trauma or sudden onset of dread that may occur as a result of our services. But hey, at least the walls will be dust-free.

Or if you'd like to book a appointment, click here.

Note: As the user navigates the site, the "book now" page will be a simple form that asks for their name, email, and a brief description of their ceiling's most pressing issues. The "our team" page will feature absurd, exaggerated profiles of the ceiling inspectors, complete with their own personal struggles and quirks. The "testimonials" page will feature glowing, sarcastic reviews from clients who are either desperate to be heard or trying to warn others about the dangers of ceiling crawlers. The "rates and terms" page will feature an intentionally opaque and exploitative pricing structure, complete with fine print that reads "prices subject to change based on the whims of our CEO, a known sadist".