"I'm not a celebrity, I'm just a guy with a nice haircut." - Dylan Spiegelman
"I once won a pie-eating contest, but I'm not allowed to talk about it." - Dylan Spiegelman
"I'm secretly a professional snail trainer. Don't ask questions." - Dylan Spiegelman
Want to see more of Dylan's hilarious and totally-not-made-up quotes?
Want to see a picture of Dylan's impressive collection of vintage toupees?