The Breakup Letter
To Whom It May Concern,
I'm writing to you today to inform you that I've found a new partner in my life, one that doesn't constantly leave the toilet seat up.
Her name is Karen. She's a 5'2" accountant with a passion for taxidermy. I'm sure you'll understand that I couldn't compete with that.
I'm sorry for the times I said I'd love you. I was lying. I'm sorry for the times I said I'd change. I was also lying.
I hope you find a new love that doesn't constantly forget your name.
Sincerely,
That Guy