Annual Review

It's that time of the year again! Where we pretend to be impressed by your accomplishments and pretend to care about your feelings. Welcome to the CEO's Annual Review, where we'll pretend to give you feedback, but really we're just counting down the minutes until you're gone.

Below, you'll find a list of your 'achievements' for the past year. Try to contain your excitement.

• You managed not to break anything (+1 point)
• You showed up to work most days (+1 point)
• You didn't get fired (+2 points)

We're proud of you, really. Keep up the good work. Now, let's talk about the numbers. Your salary is being docked 10% due to 'restructuring.' Don't worry, it's not you, it's the economy.

That's all for this review. Carry on.