CHAMPIONSHIPS

Here are the most esteemed, most revered, and most utterly absurd championships in the land of Neo-Blerg:

• Intergalactic Chicken Frying Competitions A competition where the best of the best come together to see who can fry a chicken the crispest, the crunchiest, the most astronomically-acceptable.
• Underwater Extreme Piano Playing Competitions A competition where contestants must play a concerto while submerged in the deep, their fingers moving with a speed and finesse that defies the laws of human physics.
• Extreme Sand Sculpture Competitions A competition where the best artists come together to create the most intricate, most ephemeral, and most utterly ephemeral sand sculptures the world has ever seen.