The Most Illogical, Yet Potentially Viable, Absurdist Schemes

1. Infiltrate a parallel universe with an army of sentient, disco-dancing, narwhals

2. Develop a sentient, reality-bending, toaster that dispenses existential dread with every slice

3. Construct a portal to a dimension where everything is made of pure, unadulterated, cotton candy

4. Create an army of robotic, accordion-playing, accountants to audit the fabric of reality