Welcome to the most inefficient coffee production facility in the world! Our team has perfected the art of over-engineering every step of the coffee-making process.
From the sourcing of our beans, carefully hand-picked by a panel of expert bean-pickers (it's a real thing, we swear), to the precise measurement of the coffee-to-water ratio, we're talking 1:0.5 (don't ask us why, just trust us).
But wait, it gets better! Our patented "Brew-O-Matic 3000" machine is a marvel of engineering, capable of brewing a single cup of coffee in a whopping 7 minutes and 32 seconds. That's right, folks, it takes longer to make a decent cup of coffee than it does to watch paint dry!
And don't even get us started on the bean-sorting algorithms. We've got AI-powered sorting, human-curated quality control, and a team of highly-trained, expertly-paid bean-sorting specialists. It's a real bean-sorting wonderland, let us tell you!