Step 1: The Wake-Up Call
When you first wake up, your brain is like a cold, dark cave. The first thing you need to do is shock it awake with a jolt of electricity. This is achieved by blasting the coffee machine with a strong stream of hot water. Not just any coffee, but a strong, dark roast that'll make your taste buds do the cha cha slide.
But be warned, your boss might not appreciate the smell of burnt offerings wafting from the office break room.