Today's Schedule:
8:00 AM - Wake up, stretch, and contemplate the meaninglessness of existence
8:15 AM - Drink 2 cups of coffee, one to wake up, one to calm down
9:00 AM - Conquer the world, or at least the inbox
10:00 AM - Take a 30-minute break to stare at cat videos
10:30 AM - Return to work, fueled by coffee and existential dread
Side Effects of Coffee Consumption:
Increased productivity, decreased social skills, and a heightened sense of paranoia
Also may cause: jitters, anxiety, and an increased risk of spontaneous combustion
Suggested Coffee Intake:
3-5 cups daily, depending on your tolerance for madness
May vary depending on the type of coffee bean, or the type of person you are