WELCOME TO COFFEE ROASTING ARTISANALITIES

We are the premier destination for the most discerning coffee connoisseurs. Come for the caffeine, stay for the existential dread of trying to find the perfect roast.

Our expertly trained staff of coffee snobs will guide you through the nuances of small-batch roasting, from the delicate balance of flavor notes to the precise calibration of bean-to-cream ratios.

Explore our extensive collection of rare and exotic coffee beans, carefully sourced from the most reputable suppliers of questionable quality control.

OUR CURRENT SELECTION

• Kenyan Gion - A bold and complex blend of Kenyan beans, roasted to perfection to bring out the subtle notes of "overpriced hipster coffee shop"
• Sumatran Sourpuss - A pungent and earthy blend, guaranteed to make you question every life decision you've ever made
• Colombian Curse - A medium-bodied coffee that'll make you wonder if the Colombian cartels have infiltrated your pantry

OUR ROASTING PHILOSOPHIES

• Medium-Dark Magic - Our patented roasting technique that defies the laws of physics and good taste
• Light-Medium Nonsense - A delicate balance of flavors, carefully crafted to confuse even the most discerning palates

Contact Us to schedule your private coffee tasting appointment, where we'll guide you through the process of finding the perfect roast for your existential crisis.