A Guide to Terrible Bean Blends: The Caffeine Method

Warning: This guide is not responsible for any damage caused by excessive caffeine consumption. You've been warned.

Step 1: Choose Your Beans

Select a bean blend that's as bitter as your ex's personality. We recommend our 'Bitter Betrayal' blend, available in 3 different levels of despair:

• Medium Bitterness (3 out of 10 on the Sarcasm Scale)
• Maximum Bitterness (8 out of 10 on the Sarcasm Scale)
• Maximum Bitterness +1 (10 out of 10 on the Sarcasm Scale)

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, try our 'Tolerable Terror' blend, featuring a hint of desperation:

• Medium Terrable-ness (5 out of 10 on the Despair Scale)
• Maximum Terrable-ness (9 out of 10 on the Despair Scale)

Step 2: Brew Your Beans

Use a method that's as unorthodox as your aunt's cooking. Try our patented 'Burn-It-All' method:

• Step 1: Burn the Beans ( Warning: May cause smoke damage)
• Step 2: Burn the Pot ( Warning: May cause lingering aroma)