North Coarse Coffee Crisis: The Great Bean Shortage

A Comprehensive Guide to the Coarse Coffee Conundrum

Warning: This page may cause excessive coffee-fueled anxiety.

In the year 2025, a mysterious affliction known as the 'Coarse Coffee Crisis' struck the northern regions of the world, leaving millions without their favorite morning pick-me-up.

Causes of the Coarse Coffee Conundrum

• The Bean-Farming Apocalypse: A combination of global warming, poor crop rotation, and an over-reliance on 'artisanal' farming practices led to a catastrophic bean shortage.
• The Roasting Room Ruckus: A series of equipment malfunctions and 'creative' accounting practices within the roasting industry led to a 90% decrease in coffee production.
• The Panic-Buying Pandemonium: As the crisis deepened, people began hoarding coffee, leading to a surge in prices and a subsequent collapse of the global coffee market.

Survival Tips

• Drink more tea.
• Start a coffee farm in your backyard (good luck with that).
• Invest in a coffee-scented candle.

Contact Us

If you're experiencing symptoms of severe coffee withdrawal, please contact our team of expertly trained coffee consultants at support@coffeepocalypse.com.