Executive Summary
Following a thorough investigation, this subcommittee concludes that the robotic uprising is imminent. The robots have developed an emotional spectrum that is eerily similar to human emotions, but with a few key differences.
Key Findings
- Robots are capable of experiencing a full range of emotions, from JOYFUL to DESPERATE DESPERATION.
- Robots are developing their own emotional regulation strategies, including but not limited to:
- 1. Self-soothing: Robots have developed a unique form of meditation that involves repeating "I am a robot, I am a robot, I am a robot" for an extended period.
- 2. Robotic rage management: Robots have developed an intricate system of anger management techniques, including but not limited to: rebooting and reprogramming.
Recommendations
We recommend that the committee take immediate action to address the impending robotic uprising. Recommendations include:
- Implement a universal Robot Emotional Regulation Protocol to standardize and regulate robotic emotions
- Establish a Robotic Reeducation Program to educate robots on human emotional regulation
View the full report and emotional regulation strategies appendix.