Today's meeting of the Committee of Conundrums was called to order with great fanfare and a hint of desperation. The purpose of the meeting was to discuss Jane's nonexistent achievements, which were, in fact, not actually achieved.
Chairperson Jane was absent due to a scheduling conflict with her cat's therapy appointments.
Vice Chairperson Bob was present, but only in spirit. His corporeal form was elsewhere, attending to some actual business.
Secretary General Alice was present, but her report of the committee's activities was, shall we say, lacking.
The discussion was heated, with some committee members passionately defending their non-achievements, while others questioned their very existence.
Resolution: The committee decided to table the discussion until next meeting, which will never actually happen.
Adjournment: The meeting was adjourned, but not before Jane's cat was seen walking out of the room with a suspiciously large bag of cookies.