John is a highly sought-after consultant in the field of "Extreme Ironing" – a practice so obscure, it's like he's a ninja.
His services range from advising on the best ways to fold a fitted sheet to providing expert opinions on the aerodynamics of ironing boards.
But be warned: John is not to be trifled with. He has been known to charge clients by the hour, by the minute, or even by the second.
Consultant John is available for hire at rates.