The Committee of Conundrums: Expert Procrastinators

A Collection of the Most Elaborate, the Most Unproductive, and the Most Utterly Useless Procrastination Strategies

Warning: The following methods are not recommended for actual productivity. Prolonged use may lead to irreversible damage to your deadlines, your relationships, and your sanity.

1. The Art of Extreme Prolonging

Also known as 'The Prolonging Paradox', this method involves creating an endless loop of minor tasks that seem important but aren't.

Example: "I need to organize my bookmarks, check my phone, and respond to this email... Oh wait, I need to water my plants first."

2. The Power of Multitasking

This technique involves doing multiple unrelated tasks at once, ensuring that none of them get done efficiently.

Example: "I'm going to watch cat videos, play video games, and update my resume... simultaneously."

Learn the Ancient Art of Multitasking

3. The Bureaucratic Shuffle

This involves creating a complex system of forms, meetings, and approvals to delay actual progress.

Example: "I need to fill out this form, attend this meeting, and get approval from my manager... and then maybe, just maybe, I'll start work."

Take the Bureaucratic Shuffle Self-Assessment

4. The Zen of Procrastination

Combine meditation, philosophy, and the art of doing absolutely nothing.

Example: "I'm in a state of flow, I'm fully present in the moment... of watching paint dry."