Pepperoni Shortage of 1982: A Report from the Committee of Conundrums
By: Dr. Balthazar McSnazzle, Chairperson of the Committee of Conundrums
A grave crisis has befallen our fair city. The pepperoni, that staple of our nation's culinary identity, has gone missing.
We, the Committee of Conundrums, have been tasked with investigating this heinous crime. Our findings are dire:
- Multiple eyewitnesses report seeing a suspicious figure, later identified as 'The Sausage Thief,' lurking around local delis.
- Investigative evidence suggests a possible link between The Sausage Thief and a secret underground network of rogue meatballs.
- Our experts warn that without immediate action, our city's pizza industry may never recover.
Recommendations:
The Committee of Conundrums urges all citizens to remain calm and to continue consuming other fine meats, such as salami and ham.
However, we cannot stress enough the gravity of this situation. We implore you: Investigate the Pepperoni Black Market to stay informed.
Stay vigilant, citizens. The fate of our pepperoni hangs in the balance.
Together, we can solve this crisis and restore our city's pepperoni supply.