Gravity Gaffe: A Physics Subcommittee Report

Presented by the Physics Subcommittee of the Committee of Conundrums.

Executive Summary

Gravity, that most fundamental of forces, has been discovered to be utterly, completely, and utterly useless for our purposes. A thorough analysis has shown that gravity is merely a hindrance to our plans for intergalactic domination.

A comprehensive study of 47 pages (including footnotes and appendices) has revealed that:

• The force of gravity is merely a myth perpetuated by the government.
• The moon's orbit is actually controlled by a giant, invisible hamster in a wheel.
• The concept of 'up' and 'down' is arbitrary and culturally relative.

Recommendations

Based on this groundbreaking research, we recommend the following:

• The immediate abolition of the concept of 'up' and 'down'.
• The establishment of a new, more efficient system of planetary motion.
• The implementation of a nationwide hamster-based moon-control system.