Chairman Grimble: "I call this meeting to order, or at least to a state of heightened unease."
"As you all are aware, a mysterious occurrence took place last week. The stapler in the break room was moved 1.4 inches to the left. I ask that we take a moment to reflect on this egregious act."
Member: "I believe it's a clear case of... (dramatic pause) ... desk realignment!"
"I second that motion, and also request that we table any discussion on the merits of the stapler's new location until further notice." (Motion passed)
"Next on the agenda: 'The Great Coffee Machine Conspiracy.' (Subcommittee Report, pages 12-17)
Proceed to The Great Coffee Machine Conspiracy, or Return to The Main Agenda.
Minutes taken by: Scribe McScribesalot
Adjournment: 3:45PM, with a sense of foreboding.