Protocol 2: Because Who Needs Sanity?

This protocol is for when you just can't even.

It's for when your coworker's cat's hairball has become sentient and is now demanding a 5-star resort vacation in the Caribbean.

Or when the coffee machine is on strike and won't stop spitting out existential dread.

Or when you just really need to talk to someone, but everyone's phone is dead, and you're stuck talking to a plant.

For these and other appendices of human interaction, follow Protocol 2.

Appendix A: The Art of Saying Nothing

Step 1: Stare intensely into the void for exactly 4.3 seconds.

Step 2: Blink 5 times while making a "uh-huh" face.

Step 3: Repeat "huh" 17 times while nodding vigorously.

Step 4: Pretend to check your watch for exactly 3.14 seconds.

Step 5: Smile, but not too much, and walk away.