Step the First: Gather 17 pineapples. Not just any pineapples, mind you. These pineapples must be precisely 3.5 inches in length, have exactly 7 green spots, and be grown in the precise conditions outlined in Conditions of Precision.
Step the Second: Mix the pineapples with 1/4 cup of finely ground squirrel whiskers. No, not those whiskers. Squirrel Whisker Sauce Recipes are a whole different story. These whiskers are a specific blend of 37 different tree sap species, harvested under the light of a full moon.
Step the Third: Add a pinch of imported Icelandic salt. Not just any salt, mind you. This salt must have been hand-harvested by our team of highly trained, highly paid, highly pickled salt-gatherers. Salt Gathering Techniques are a closely guarded secret, but we'll let it slip: just add a dash of moonlight.
Step the Fourth: Stir counterclockwise while whispering ancient Sumerian incantations of destruction. Repeat as necessary until the park is awash in a sea of squirrel-induced anaphylactic shock.