Section 3, Subsection A: The ball shall be round and full of holes, much like the hearts of our opponents.
Section 3, Subsection B: Players are not allowed to use any external aids, such as magic 8 balls or Ouija boards, to influence the outcome of a game.
Section 3, Subsection C: In the event of a tie, a sudden death match shall be held. During this time, the player who makes the most eye contact with the foosball table will be declared the winner.
Continue to Rule 4: The Art of the Spin
Or, you know what, just go back to the schedule