Section 1: Mandatory Attendance
We will be monitoring your every move. Literally. Our team of highly trained, ninja-like attendence monitors will be on the lookout for any sign of slacking off.
Meetings will be held on Tuesdays and Thursdays, at precisely 3:14 AM and 4:56 PM. Any deviation from this schedule will result in disciplinary action.
Section 2: Consequences of Absence
First-time offenders will be subjected to a series of embarrassing public shaming exercises, including but not limited to:
- Forced listening to an endless loop of elevator music
- Forced watching of an endless stream of cat videos
- Forced consumption of Brussels sprouts for 30 days straight
Repeat offenders will be subjected to more... severe punishments. Let's just say.