Today's meeting was called to address the pressing issue of sandwiches that sustain themselves.
- Resolution 1: We, the Committee on Contraptionary Matters, hereby declare the existence of sentient, self-sustaining sandwiches to be a fact.
- Resolution 2: All members present agree that these sandwiches are a threat to the fabric of our society and must be addressed.
- Resolution 3: The Committee on Contraptionary Matters shall establish a task force to study the properties and behavior of self-sustaining sandwiches.