The Dean of the Department of Deadliness Delays: A Study in Redundancy

Research Project: The Art of Finding the Most Convoluted Way to Make a Sandwich

Principal Investigator: Dr. Reginald P. Bottomsworth

Co-Investigators: Dr. Emily P. Bottomsworth, Dr. Timothy T. Bottomsworth, and Dr. Sally S. Bottomsworth

Objective: To determine the optimal number of unnecessary steps required to craft the perfect sandwich, while maintaining a 4:1 ratio of procrastination to productivity.

• Research Question: What is the minimum number of decisions necessary to reach a sandwich?
• Methodology: A mixed-methods approach, incorporating both qualitative and quantitative methods.
• Expected Outcomes: A comprehensive, data-driven model for the most efficient (and entertaining) way to make a sandwich.

Currently, our research suggests that the average person takes 17 steps to make a sandwich. Our goal is to reduce this number to 5 or less.

Future Research Directions:

• To investigate the relationship between sandwich-making and existential dread.
• To develop an algorithm for predicting the optimal number of steps based on individual sandwich preferences.

Stay tuned for updates on this groundbreaking research project!

Next: Optimizing the Optimal Number of Screw the Odds