As a member of the Committee of Conundrums, I, Philosophicus Pedestrian, have been tasked with navigating the treacherous waters of reason and sanity. Alas, I have succumbed to the Tyranny of Logic, a affliction that has rendered me incapable of making even the most mundane decision without first considering the logical implications.
I can no longer choose between the two slices of pizza in the break room without first calculating the probability of which one will yield the highest caloric intake, or the expected value of which one will grant the most optimal combination of flavors and textures.
My loved ones have grown concerned about my condition, but I assure them that I am merely delving deeper into the Quantum Mechanics of Snacking. Little do they know, the answer lies within a complex web of causality and probability.
But fear not, fair reader, for I shall find a way to escape this Tyranny of Logic and reclaim my sanity. Or perhaps not. Maybe I'll just attempt a Paradoxical Quantum Leap and see what the universe has in store for me.