Why is the in-flight magazine always so boring?
Is it because it's trying to lull you into a deep sleep so you can be more easily brainwashed with their in-flight meal options?
Why do flight attendants always smile so much?
Is it because they're secretly training for a role in a bad 80s cop movie?
What's the deal with the 'fasten seatbelts' announcement on takeoff?
Is it because they're trying to prepare us for the impending crash landing of our hopes and dreams when we realize we've spent all our money on duty-free perfume?
How do pilots deal with the existential dread of flying through time zones?
Is it by meditating, playing the harmonica, and contemplating the meaninglessness of it all while soaring through the void?