Our Most Complicated Books

Because you asked for it, here are our most mind-bending, brain-twisting, and thought-provoking publications:

1. "The Art of Doing Nothing: A Guide to Procrastination Techniques"

A 500-page tome on finding new ways to waste time. Includes chapters on advanced techniques for staring blankly at screens, the perfect ratio of coffee to work, and the ancient art of doing the bare minimum.

2. "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Being an Expert at Everything"

A comprehensive guide that will leave you feeling like a total novice. Covers the essentials of being an expert, including the art of confidently saying "I'm an expert," the science of making it up as you go, and the technique of talking loudly over others.

3. "The Dictionary of Unnecessary Words: A Lexicon of Verbiage and Verbalisms"

A 3,000-page behemoth of a book that will make you question the very fabric of language. Features words like "flumplenook," "snazzle," and "wuggleplunk," guaranteed to confuse and bewilder even the most discerning readers.

Warning: Do not attempt to read these books without proper adult supervision and a strong stomach. Or a sense of humor. Or both.