Krill Velocity Theory

Subcommittee of the Committee of Conundrums

According to our research, krill velocity is inversely proportional to the number of artisanal, small-batch coffee shops within a 10-mile radius. We've crunched the numbers, and the results are in:

• For every 1000 krill, we lose 1.2 coffee shops.
• For every 1000 krill, we gain 1.5 artisanal donut stores.

But wait, there's more! Our team has also been working on the Krill Olympics, where krill from around the world compete in events like the 100-meter Krill Dash, Krill Javelin Throw, and the grueling Krill Marathon.

Learn more about the Krill Olympics and how you can get involved!

Read the full methodology behind our krill velocity research