Gravitational Gaffes White Paper

Presented by the Committee of Conundrums, Physics Subcommittee, on the occasion of our annual meeting of the minds... or lack thereof.

This white paper presents our latest research on the subject of gravity. We're pretty sure it's not supposed to work this way, but it kind of... does.

Section 1: Why does gravity always pull things towards the floor instead of the ceiling?

We've been overthinking this problem for weeks, and we're starting to get somewhere. Maybe.

1. The Earth is just a big, dense ball of matter that's trying to crush us.
2. Gravity is secretly a giant, invisible spring that's trying to launch us into space.
3. We're just really, really tired of being on the ground.

Our theory, which we've dubbed "Gravitas," suggests that gravity is, in fact, a sentient being that's just really into the whole "being on top" thing.

Section 2: Can we harness the power of gravity to make better snacks?

Appendices: Gravitational Gaffes White Paper

Additional materials and ramblings from the Committee of Conundrums, Physics Subcommittee, on the subject of gravity... and snacks.

Appendix A: Snack Physics Theory (SPT)

A brief overview of our research on harnessing the power of gravity to make better snacks.

Key Findings:

• Gravity waves can be used to toast bread to a perfect golden brown.
• The force of gravity can be harnessed to crush a decent bag of potato chips into the perfect, crunchy chip.
• We're pretty sure that if we just squish enough water with gravity, it'll make a mean margherita.

Appendix B: Gravity-Induced Spaghetti Conundrum

We've encountered some... interesting results when attempting to serve spaghetti in a gravity-defying environment.

Results:

• Spaghetti sticks to the wall. A lot.
• Sauces don't seem to work the same way in zero-g.
• We're starting to think that the whole "twirling it around my fork" thing might be a myth.