By Order of the Committee of Conundrums, a State of Elastic Sock Emergency has been declared. All citizens are hereby advised to check their sock drawers for signs of distress.
The elastic band of our nation's socks has been stretched to the breaking point. It is estimated that over 90% of our citizens' socks have been subject to the horrors of the Sock Eater, a malevolent force that seeks to devour all that is elastic and good in our society.
The Sock Eater, a creature of unknown origin, has been known to strike without warning, leaving a trail of tangled, misshapen socks in its wake.
The Committee of Conundrums has established a task force to deal with this crisis. The Sock Rescue Squad, comprised of brave and highly trained operatives, has been deployed to the affected areas.
Citizens are advised to remain calm and to report any sightings of the Sock Eater to the authorities at once. In the meantime, the following steps have been recommended: