Committee of Conundrums - DIY Route

You've finally found us, the most esteemed and bewildering committee in all the land. We're glad you asked for help, but don't expect any actual solutions. Our solutions are like unicorns - they're out there somewhere, but we've never seen them.

That being said, we'll give you a few DIY instructions that might just lead you to the solution you seek. Or maybe they won't. Either way, it's fun to try, right?

• Try poking the elephant with a stick
• Throw more money at it
• Ask an expert (we'll just nod and pretend we're listening)

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, you can Press the fake button that will probably just make things worse.

We're not responsible for any damages, emotional or financial, resulting from our "help".