Welcome, esteemed members of the Subcommittee on Maintenance and Misdirection. We've been tasked with the impossible: making the impossible possible, and making the possible, possible. Our mandate is to maintain the status quo, while simultaneously misdirecting all efforts towards a nebulous goal. It's a delicate balancing act, but someone's got to do it.
Our current focus is the Mysterious Case of the Mower Lobby. A group of rogue lawnmowers has been spotted in the vicinity of the park, and we need to get to the bottom of this mystery. We're not sure what they want, or what they'll do next, but we're on it.
Stay tuned for further updates, or don't, we're not really sure what we're doing either.