Steve's Theory of the Hidden Patterns

Also known as "The Great Lawn Care Conspiracy"

1. It's not just a coincidence that the grass is always greener on the other side.
2. The lawn care industry is run by a secret society of ninja gardeners, known as "The Order of the Green Thumbs".
3. They're not just mowing the lawn, they're controlling your mind.

Appendix A: The Lawn Care Alphabet Appendix B: The Secret Society's Symbolism