It's a long story, but here's a short summary:
- You start with a smooth face, free from the shackles of facial hair.
- You attempt to grow a majestic mane, but it turns into a sad, wispy affair.
- You consult the great beards of history, but they all just tell you to 'just use a razor, man.'
- You try to join a secret society of bearded individuals, but they just make you do a 50-page application form in calligraphy.
- You realize that growing a beard is just a metaphor for life: it's all about the struggle.
And that's the Committee of Conundrums's official verdict on beard growing.