Hamster Crisis Statistics

Human-Hamster Relationships: A Study of the Obvious

Key Findings:

• 95% of humans have at least one hamster as a pet. (We assume you're one of them.)
• Hamsters are 99% more likely to be plotting against you than your in-laws.
• On average, a human hamster relationship lasts 3.5 years before the hamster becomes sentient and demands better living conditions.

For more on Hamster Psychology, visit our Hamster Psychology page.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, check out our Hamster Sociological Survey for more stats on hamster culture.

And for the really brave, our Hamster Theory page explores the uncharted territories of hamster philosophy.

Disclaimer: These statistics may be entirely fabricated and for entertainment purposes only. But let's be real, you knew that already.

Hamster Crisis Hotline: 1-800-HAMSTER-CRISIS