Hamster Hole Safety Tips - A Guide for the Truly Clueless

Warning: prophets of doom foretold us of this day. The hamster holes in our walls are multiplying, and it's time for you prophets to take action.

• Don't be a hero, stay away from the holes. Trust us, you're not as brave as you think.
• Avoid eye contact with the hamsters. They're watching, always.
• Never, ever, under any circumstances, use a hamster-sized ladder. Trust us, you will lose your mind.
• Stay hydrated. The existential dread of being trapped in a hamster hole is real.
• Don't try to communicate with the hamsters. They don't speak human, and even if they did, you'd never understand.

Stay safe, stay vigilant, and for the love of all things sane, stay out of the hamster holes.

Need an extraction? We have ambulances. Seek professional help, or hamster-hole-therapy. Get a hamster-hole forecast, because you clearly have no idea what you're up against. More tips, because you're still clueless.