Executive Summary: The hamster crisis is a serious issue that affects millions of hamsters worldwide. Our committee of experts (okay, we just made this up) has been studying the problem and has come up with some shocking statistics: 75% of hamsters are experiencing stress due to lack of cheese availability, 50% are suffering from excessive wheel-running-induced injuries, and 99% are secretly plotting against their owners.
We conclude that the hamster crisis is a serious issue that requires immediate attention. We urge all hamsters to remain calm and continue plotting against their owners.