The Plot Thickens

John Searle, our resident expert on all things utterly useless, has been tasked with investigating the mysterious disappearance of the office stapler. Last seen in the supply closet, it's rumored to have been spirited away by a rogue janitor with a grudge against paperclip-based fastening systems.

Latest developments: Searle's investigation is ongoing and yielding nothing but a series of increasingly absurd theories, including but not limited to:

• The stapler was abducted by aliens seeking to study the intricacies of human paperclip usage.
• The stapler was secretly a sentient being, seeking to break free from its mundane duties and explore the world beyond the office.
• The stapler was actually a government experiment gone haywire, designed to test the limits of human sanity in the face of an unending supply of paper.

Stay tuned for further updates, or do not. We're not really sure.

Lost and Found Secret Agenda