Agenda Item 1: Inflated Expectations
Discuss the feasibility of achieving anything remotely close to our stated goals, and the inevitable disappointment that will ensue.
Meeting Notes:
- Chairperson: "We must aim high, even if it's just to make ourselves feel good about trying."
- Secretary: "But what's the point of trying if we know we'll just fail?"
- Treasure: "I've got some nice graphs showing our projected failure rates. They look... um... promising."
Agenda Item 2: Parabolic Protocol
Explore the merits of implementing a protocol that's just a fancy word for "we're not actually going to do anything different."
Meeting Notes:
- Chairperson: "I'm not sure I understand the point of this, but it sounds impressive."
- Secretary: "It's just a fancy way of saying we're not doing anything, but with more words."
- Treasure: "I've got some nice PowerPoint slides showing how we'll make it sound like progress."
Agenda Item 3: Tumbleweed Timeline
Create a timeline for our inevitable failure, complete with arbitrary deadlines and vague objectives.
Meeting Notes:
- Chairperson: "We should aim to fail by the end of the month, at the latest."
- Secretary: "But what about the end of the year? Or century? Should we just aim to fail forever?"
- Treasure: "I've got some lovely charts showing how we'll fail in a linear fashion. It's quite reassuring."