Achievement Award 2021 - The Pointless Committee

37-step process, 37 steps deep in bureaucratic red tape

Congratulations, you have reached the pinnacle of bureaucratic achievement! After 37 grueling steps, countless forms, and several strongly-worded memos, you have earned the right to call yourself a true champion of the Pointless Committee.

Award Details

Award Type: The Golden Hammer of Red Tape
Award Category: Most Creative Uses of the Phrase "I'm on my way, I swear"
Award Date: 2021-02-27
Award Recipient: John Doe, Chair of the Pointless Committee

Learn more about John Doe's remarkable achievement!

Step-by-Step Guide

  1. Step 1: Fill out form 27-B/6 in triplicate
  2. Step 2: Attach 3 copies of your birth certificate
  3. Step 3: Wait 6 weeks for review and feedback
  4. Step 4: Receive 17 separate phone calls asking for clarification
  5. Step 5: Send 4 follow-up emails
  6. Step 6: Attend a 3-hour meeting to discuss your application
  7. Step 7: Sign and notarize 5 separate documents
  8. Step 8: Wait 11 weeks for the next step
  9. Step 9: Receive an error message and start over
  10. Step 10: Repeat steps 1-9 until successful
  11. Step 11: Celebrate with a 10% raise and a free lunch
  12. Step 12: Write a 5-page report on the process
  13. Step 13: Receive 3 separate awards for your efforts
  14. Step 14: Use awards to decorate your office
  15. Step 15: Start again from the beginning
  16. Step 16: Realize you're not actually achieving anything
  17. Step 17: Start to question the point of it all
  18. Step 18: Develop a strong stomachache from eating too much office coffee
  19. Step 19: Start a support group for fellow committee members
  20. Step 20: Take a 3-day weekend to recover
  21. Step 21: Return to step 1, but this time with a better stapler
  22. Step 22: Discover the stapler is still broken
  23. Step 23: Call the manufacturer
  24. Step 24: Wait on hold for 2 hours
  25. Step 25: Get transferred to a call center in Bangladesh
  26. Step 26: Speak to a robot who speaks no English
  27. Step 27: Realize the robot is actually a human who speaks perfect English
  28. Step 28: Start to wonder if you're actually achieving anything
  29. Step 29: Develop a strong sense of existential dread
  30. Step 30: Start to question the meaning of life
  31. Step 31: Take a 30-minute break to watch cat videos
  32. Step 32: Return to step 1, but this time with a better chair
  33. Step 33: Discover the chair is still not as comfortable as your old chair
  34. Step 34: Call your old chair manufacturer
  35. Step 35: Wait on hold for 1 hour and 45 minutes
  36. Step 36: Get transferred to a call center in Peru
  37. Step 37: Realize you can just use a pillow

And that's it! Congratulations, you have reached the end of the 37-step process! Now go forth and... actually, just go back to step 1.

Learn more about the call center in Peru!