MINUTE 18: BEGGING TECHNIQUES

Subcommittee on Desperate Measures

We will be discussing the art of begging for things you don't need but really really want. This is a delicate dance of emotional manipulation, and we'll be exploring the following topics:

1. The Art of Guilt Tripping

• Using the phrase "just one more time" to get what you want
• Blatantly displaying the price of something you really want on your phone
• Impersonally asking for things on social media, because, why not?

2. The Power of Pleading

• Claiming you'll never speak to someone again if you don't get your way
• Talking about how you've been wronged in the past and it's only fair you get something now
• Offering to trade something of value, like a used tissue or a half-eaten sandwich

3. The Science of Emotional Manipulation

• Playing the victim card, like you're allergic to everything and need it
• Telling people how much you've been craving something, like it's a hunger pang
• Using baby talk, because who can resist a cute face?

Join us for our next meeting to learn the secrets of the universe's most effective beggars!