Are you tired of being alive?
Do you want to support the most pointless committee in the land?
Pledge your life to the Committee for Pointless Causes, and receive a FREE sticker for every year you survive!
We'll send you a sticker every year on your anniversary of pledging, as long as you live.
But wait, there's more!
For an additional fee, we'll throw in a complimentary sticker for every time you eat a whole pizza by yourself in one sitting.
Don't wait any longer, subscribe now!
Or, if you're feeling really committed, Pledge Your Whole Life and get a lifetime supply of stickers!
Disclaimer: Pledging your life to us does not guarantee your survival, but it does guarantee a good laugh.