Pointless Committee - Fundraising Protocol Proposal: Because Who Needs Actual Results?

As a committee of highly trained, highly motivated, and highly underqualified professionals, we have come up with a revolutionary new approach to fundraising. Behold, our protocol proposal:

Step 1: Send a strongly-worded letter to every single person on your phone's contacts list.
Step 2: Use 100% of the funds raised to purchase a year's supply of artisanal coffee.
Step 3: Host a bake sale. Because what's more effective at raising funds than a plate of slightly-burned cookies?
Step 4: Send out a follow-up letter to every single person who donated, thanking them for their generous support. And also asking for more money.

We are confident that this approach will yield results that are at least marginally better than nothing. Perhaps. Maybe. Hopefully.