Advanced Reporting Techniques

For when your reports need to be more confusing than a government policy document.

Step 1: Use lots of buzzwords

Don't just say "we're doing this," say "we're implementing a paradigm shift in our organizational structure."

Step 2: Speak in abbreviations

Step 3: Use lots of acronyms

From "EBSA" (Executive Bureaucratic Systemic Analysis) to "WTO" (Wasteful Task-Oriented), make sure to confuse your readers.

Step 3: Create a new abbreviation for every word

Step 4: Add lots of jargon tables

Make sure to use lots of tables with lots of columns and rows to really drive the point home.

Something else that's completely unrelated
Stuff that's completely irrelevant
Step 5: Use lots of superfluous words

Step 6: Use lots of unnecessary subheadings

Because, you know, clarity is overrated.

Step 7: Add lots of pointless images

Because a report without a picture of a cat is like a box of chocolates without a picture of a cat.

A cat in a suit Step 8: Use some real estate jargon