Step 1: Craft a 10-page memo detailing the intricacies of your request.
Step 2: Attach a 20-page appendix of irrelevant data points.
Step 3: Schedule a meeting for 6 months from now to discuss the matter.
Step 4: Send an email to 17 people with a cc to the 3 people who are not actually involved.
Step 5: Wait for 3 months for someone to respond.
Step 6: Realize you've been waiting for 3 months and just send the whole thing to their secretary.
Voilà!